Week 34 - According to Me...

I've been doing Weight Watchers not for 34 weeks, although my weight loss record says I've only gotten to 17...whatever.

I recently switched doctors since my previous one focused too much on my weight and cholesterol and not enough on me as a person.  Even after losing 13 pounds (which is a lot!), she just looked at me and asked if I was doing anything to make myself healthier.  Hello?!  She kept stressing to me that my cholesterol was too high because my BMI was too high and that my knee pain was probably from my weight (and not from my previous hip surgeries or radiation therapies).

I love that my new doctor immediately praised me for getting the weight off and 'taking the right measures' to help myself.  When I saw him again a month later I had put on a few more pounds but he still acknowledged that I was working at it.  For the first time I heard a doctor say to me "you're not overweight" and "you're in good shape" (not great shape but good sounds good too!).  I felt awesome after that!  Then I found out that my cholesterol was genetic-related, not weight-related, which was kind of bittersweet  lol  And no, other doctor, my knee pain was not from having to carry my 'overweight' self around!

On 12/15 I reached my 10% goal and lost a total of 16.2 pounds.  I got my special 10% keychain :-)

I was doing fine at keeping the weight down and even dipped under 140 for the first time since high school.  Unfortunately, that all changed after the New Year.  I have to admit that I really let myself go on my New Year's weekend get-a-way.  After that we had birthdays to celebrate, mini-anniversaries, regular night outs and any other excuse you can think of.  I was eating like I was before I started WW and was doing a horrible job of tracking it all - and when you don't track, it can really over power you!

So by the end of January I had managed to put back on almost 4 pounds but lost back 2 (this may not seem like much but it is to someone like me!).  Now it's February and I'm still kind of doubting my ability to get back on track.  I'm starting to feel like I did when I first started - hungry, irritable, lazy - it's like I tell myself I can lose the weight but then just watch it climb back on.  Ugh.

Ok so I know it's up to me to get it back on the right path.  I've got to focus, make good choices and stop making excuses.  I'm getting more exercise and trying new foods.  I can do this!  I can make it work again!

After Super Bowl Weekend of course....have to have some hot wings and dip....

Learn something new every day:  You have to remember that gaining and losing can be a regular process of gaining weight.  If you only focus on going down, you'll lose sight of the big picture.

Week 21 - But Who's Counting?

I know it's been a while since I've wrote anything.  I'm not real sure if anyone cares a whole lot, but I know I have to keep some kind of sanity and pretend this all still matters to me.

This is about week 21 of me starting Weight Watchers.  When I weighed in last on 10/27, I weighed in at 143 lbs, which means I've lost over 13 lbs so far.  That's pretty good since I over came partying on my birthday, the state fair coming through, going out of town for a vacation weekend, and then my husband's birthday.  EVERY one of those event was packed with food!  Whew!  So I made it through without packing on a whole lot of pounds.

In my prideful defense I'm actually kind of proud of myself.  I've noticed I've changed what I eat and I don't stuff my face until I drop anymore.  I still need to exercise more...but that's another thing to work on.

Only 3 more pounds and I reach my 10% weight loss goal.  When I do they'll give me a little keychain!

Learn something new every day:  The Weight Watcher yogurt is awesome!  It has great flavors and is smoooothe.  I normally hate yogurt but this is something I could get used to!

Falling Off The Bandwagon...

Wow...I can't believe it's been 3 weeks since I reported in.  Thinga get crazy I guess.

The week of 9/15 I weighed in at 146.4, meaning I lost 0.6 pounds from the previous week.  I was very excited to lose the half of a pouns I had gained the week before and felt like I was on my way to getting back on track.  The week of 9/22 I weighed in at 145.0, which means I finally lost my first 10 pounds!  Ok I was actually up to 11 pounds by now but I was so excited!  I got my second 5 pound star to add to my record and realized I was only 5 more pounds away from making my 10% goal.

But....then it went downhill.

On 9/29 I weighed in at 148.4, meaning I had gained back 3.4 pounds.  Wow.  That's the most I've gained back in the whole program.  It's all my fault really.  The fair came to town and Monopoly is back at McDonalds.  Not to mention the day before weigh in was Enchilada iesta special at Casa Ole.  Ugh.

So, there is only one week left before this session is over.  The last week is there 'open house' where you can bring a friend to check out the meetings and decide if you want to sign back up for the next round.  All and all I'd say I'm pretty happy with how this series has gone.  My weight has gone up and down, and I've still got a aways to go.  Of course I'm still on the fence about doing the next round.  Same old reasons I guess....money, stress, time, work. 

So this week I'm going to take some time and think about what I want.  I can't only think about what I want, but what will work for my family and my life.  I feel selfish wanting to do this again; wanting to keep going.  My birthday is coming up and the one thing I thought about was how great new clothes would feel.  But I have to get over myself and think of other; think of those around me.

It's a new beginning, but how do I start?

Learn something new this week (or weeks):  Don't get cocky about your image, because it can be skewed.  Also, I'm starting to see the ugliness that self confidence can make you feel...

Week 13 - Counting Down

Only 3 weeks left until this session is over.  No decision about doing the next one yet...

On 9/8 I weighed in at 147.2, which means I gained 0.5 pounds back this week :-(  Ok part of it could have been the turkey sandwich I had before going to my meeting, but I had a feeling I would gain something this week because I strayed off track and did not exercise as much.  I guess it could have been worse...but it could have been better...

Seven more pounds and I reach my 10% weight loss goal, which means I'll have lost 10% of my start weight, which is 16 pounds.  They give you a keychain when you reach this goal :-)  I'm not so sure I can do that in 3 more weeks, which means I may have to start the next session.

Keep moving forward.

With that I am still torn about doing the next session after this one.  It's something that will definitely be something plaguing my mind for the next few weeks.  And yes, you'll probably keep hearing about it until I can finally make up my mind.

Learn something new this week:  I am an epic failure at yoga.  I'm not graceful.  I'm not poised.  I'm not even balanced.  I may still give it another go later, but I need to buy a real beginner's DVD, not a "beginner's DVD who already know what's going on".

What week am I again?

Wow my weeks are really screwed up somewhere... My last weigh in on 9/1 was week 12, which means I only have 4 weeks left in this round...

As I said on 9/1 I weight in at 146.8 pounds, meaning I lost another 2 pounds and reached my second milestone, which is to lose 5% of your starting weight.  I've lost a total of 9.4 pounds so far, and if I lose 7 more pounds I'll reach my next milestone which is 10% of my starting weight.  I don't know if I can do that in 4 more weeks but I'm sure gonna try.  I'm very happy with myself at the moment and hope I can continue feeling this way while trying to lose the weight.  I'm pretty sure I'm going to hit another plateau soon which will probably bum me out...

My next debate to think about is whether or not I want to sign back up after this round ends.  I'm down 10 pounds, but I want to lose 10 more, and although I've learned the tools to eat better and exercise, I'm not so sure I can do it on my own.  I don't know if I'll be one of those people who, if left alone, would run amok and ruin all of the progress I just made.  I know that going to the meetings and having a steady place to weigh myself has really helped me stay on track and stay focused.  Can I do that on my own?  I know it will cost money and I'll have to become one of 'those' people who have a meeting every week.  I feel worse knowing certain people don't want me dieting at all and worry that it will just cause more fights between us.  Or that every person I joined with before has quit, making me feel more alone at meetings.

So I'm not really sure what I want at this point...and I'm not sure how to go about deciding on it.

Learn something new this week:  Actually I haven't learned how I could stop going to my boot camp class and lose more weight than when I was going.  No, it's not because I was gaining muscle either!  But I am sleeping better now that I am not going, so I guess there is a plus side.

Can You Call it a Victory if You Cheated?

This is week 10 and I weighed in on 8/25.  I lost 3.4 pounds this week!  lol Go me!  That puts my total weight lost at 7.4 pounds.  In my personal booklet they wrote that after 7 pounds I would reach my 5% goal, so I was really excited and wanted to make sure I got my prize sticker for it.  When I asked the lady to put my name on the list, she informed me that my 5% weight loss goal is 8 pounds, not 7, since they are supposed to round up.  So, no sticker this time.  Needless to say my balloon was officially deflated.

As for the cheating part, I had had some kind of stomach flu/virus since the previous Sunday.  I was nauseous every time I ate and had zero appetite (which is so not me!).  I was eating only one meal a day and then would feel sick for several hours after that.  So it kind of feel like cheating when I practically starved myself and lost almost 4 pounds.  My body is going to go into shock this week when I start feeling better and eating more!

As a bonus this week, my clothes are starting to feel looser, although that could just be my mind playing tricks on me.  I like having looser pants and shirts, but shrinking boobs are no fun.  I don't know how anyone can still be 38 around and have a smaller cup size!  It's frustrating let me tell you...

I'm starting to feel more like myself today and actually ate a giant baked potato, although now the smell of stale BBQ sauce is making me want to barf.  I have some Reese's mini cups in the fridge I have been dying to eat, so I'm keeping my fingers crossed.

Learn Something New This Week: I've been on WW and have been dieting my butt off for 10 weeks now and the only proven method to get the weight off is to have the stomach flu!

Week 9 - Fail

I weighed in today on 8/18 and I gained another 0.8 pounds.  To say I am depressed would be an understatement.  That is 2 weeks in a row that I have gained weight and lost nothing.  I'm steadily climbing back to start weight, which makes me feel even more depressed.  Even as I typed my new weight into my WW weight tracker I started crying just seeing that little bar raise up a little further.  It's supposed to go down! Not up!

I feel so stupid because after last week's weight gain I vowed to get back on track and excercise more.  I stayed on my points, ate better and varied my exercise.  By Wednesday I was confident  that I had either lost something or at least maintained where I was.  When I stepped on that scale, it was all over.

I've gotten several compliments about how 'toned' I look and people complimenting me on how much weight I've lost.  It puts a sinking feeling in my gut to tell them I've only lost 4 pounds.  4 stinking pounds!  I can't even reach my 5% goal weight!  I get that feeling like everyone is just trying to be nice and tell me how great I look when everyone really knows all I'm doing is failing.  Why does it feel impossible to lose 20 pounds? 

Before I started this I had lots of people "suggest" to lose the weight, whether for my health or for my looks.  They gave me looks when I ate a double cheeseburger or when I bought a larger size pants size.  My own damn doctor told me I was obese and that  needed to lose the pounds....every time I went to see her.  So I joined the diet thing and I work out 3 times a week.  And I still failed.  I've been busting my ass and the only thing she will see and the only thing my friends and family will see are numbers.  My numbers aren't budging, so I must still be fat.  If they looked at me as a whole instead of a number on a scale, I wouldn't be in this situation.

No one cares about being "toned".  No one cares about dress sizes or waistlines.  It's all about what the scale says.

I will finish the program. I will at least cross the finish line, even if it's in last place.

Learn something new this week:  Sometimes no matter how hard you work and no matter how great you feel about it, you don't always get the reward you were hoping for.