Victory at Last!

Week 5

In my week 5 meeting on 7/21 I lost 2.2 pounds!  With that weight combined with my last five weeks, I've lost 5.6 pounds so far!  And because of that I got my first 5lb lost sticker!  I'm not sure where to put it just yet, but I am so proud of myself, if I may say so.  My next goal is my 10% weight loss, which I am only 3 pounds away from.

But it was kind of bittersweet because not one of my WW buddies made it to the meeting to see me glow.  I posted it on Facebook and I got a lot of "Yays", "Congrats" and "Whoo hoos", but somehow it doesn't feel the same.  I started this whole thing with a group of friends and I promised myself I would do what I can to help them and support them through this because, let's face it, this crap is hard!  But slowly my friends are dropping like flies and going on to do other things.  Should I even continue myself?  What's the point if no one is there to celebrate with you?

Well, depressing as it sounds I'll continue on because I definetly want to see where this road will lead me.  As for signing up again in October...now I'm not so sure.

Learn something new this week:  I realized this WW session ends the week of my birthday...so I'm thinking I will either need some new clothes or a trip to a really big buffet!

Week 5 Continued

Yeah all that crap I said before?  Down the toilet...

My weekend went horribly.  We had family come into town and another family member had a baby shower and my husband had to order that hot cheesy pepperoni pizza on Saturday night!  Ugh!

There is something about the weekends that just make me go berserk.  I know the points still count.  I know I am supposed to be accountable for what I eat.  I know I could gain it all back in a second!  So why do I lose my control so much?  And I know whatever horrible food crime I commit that I'll have to tell my coworkers about it....you think that would be enough motivation in itself!

I really need to refocus myself.  Do I really want this?  Or do I only want it Monday through Friday?  I keep telling myself I'm gonna 'treat' myself to a chinese food plate once I do really good and follow the plan all week.  I've yet to eat that chinese food...

Weight in is Thursday.  I'm gonna have to work my butt off to get back on track this week.... :-(

 

Learn something new this week: I have no will power.  Why even bother going anywhere near temptation?

Thank God For Small Victories

Week 5

I lost 1.4 pounds this week when I weighed in on 7/14.  I was super excited.  It's a small step back on track from last week's gain and it made me feel kind of proud of myself.  Is that crazy?  Even though I had a bad week food wise and felt like it was all going to hell...but I exercised and put myself back on track.  I wanted to cry.  I wanted to eat.

I'm going to continue the boot camp class.  I'm going to get my points back on track this week.  I am going to lose some kind of weight next week.

I can do this!  Can't I?

Learn something new this week: Depriving yourself of what you really want will totally derail everything.

Week 4 continued

Today was my second boot camp class.  The class was a lot smaller of course.  I'm not real sure how the class will look at the end of 12 weeks, much less on Friday...

Tomorrow is weigh in.  After last week's downfall you would think I would have done better this week.  Nope.  The weekends are horrible for me because I lose all portion control and just go for what I want.  Bah.  I can't keep doing that if I'm to finish this thing without gaining more weight!

It's sad to say that it makes me feel better to come to work and my coworkers and I who are in this together get to spill about all of the horrible things we ate that weekend and how we predict this week's weigh-in will go.  In a cruel irony it makes me feel human to know I'm not the only one slipping and knowing that I can get back on track even if I do stumble.  I'm trying to encourage those in this with me not to give up and not to just quit it all together.  I know it's hard but damn it we started this together and I want to finish this together!  Maybe I can bribe my coworkers with cake or something...

I don't want to quit.  I don't want to give up.  I want to beat this thing and come out on top! Sort of.  I have eyes watching me and telling me I can't do this.  That I can't diet and I won't make it through the fitness class.  I will prove you wrong and I will make something better of myself.

Learn something new this week: Quitting won't make my problems go away.  I have to face them and figure out how to get them out of my way.

Can I Pick Myself Back Up?

Week 4

I gained this week.  I weighed in at 154.2 pounds, which means I gained 0.6 pounds.  Words can't even express how depressed that made me feel.  Granted I was not the only one who gained instead of lost, but I still felt really bad.

I knew it was probably because I ate so much junk food the week before and stupidly thought I could walk it off or sweat it out in that fitness class I'm taking.  Of course I felt so depressed that I went out to dinner with a friend later and ate chinese food!  Arrrghh!  What am I thinking?  I need to focus.  I need to get a grip on what I want.

Then I went to the DR (who told me to lose the weight in the first place) and when I told her about the fitness class and WW program I joined, she rolled her eyes at me and told me how annoying WW is and how to fix my body cramps from class.  Real supportive there doc.  Is this what I pay you $20 for?

I want to lose the weight.  I want to be fit, or even remotely in shape.  I'd love to come out of this thing being one of the few people who stuck it out until the end of this brutal fitness class and at least 20 pounds lighter.  I want to shove it in my skeptic's face that I'm not a lazy bum who always stuffs my face.  After all the years of people nagging about what I eat and how I might look in the future, I want to show them all that I can do this.  And I'd love to show it off while downing a bag of Cheetos.  And not the baked kind either.

Learn something new this week: When everyone else is telling you No or Don't Do It, it's nice to have the one beside you that says Go For It and will still love you when you do.

Week 3 - Continued

Tomorrow is another weigh in.  Frankly, I'm worried about the results because my week has just gone to hell.  I've have fried italian food, movie theater popcorn, Taco Bell at least twice and a gi-normous piece of pepperoni pizza from the work cafeteria.  Ugh

I have been exercising more.  My husband and I have gone walking several times in the past week, even though it's only for about an hour each time.  I know I'm still very out of shape because my legs are always sore and I usually want to go home and eat something.  I need more lazy-friendly exercises.

And with that my sister had the bright idea of joining a free boot camp class our work was sponsoring.

"You can do it.  You go at your own pace."

"If the 60-year-old ladies in there can do it so can you."

"Just try it."

I could kill her now.  That class was crazy.  Luckily it was not taught by a freaked out drill instructor, but the guy was really nice and I didn't want to feel like the only loser in the group who couldn't do anything!  I nearly gave out after push-ups and thought I was going to faint after the bar lifts.  I am horribly out of shape and just getting me to get back up off the floor was a real challenge.  Needless to say, I was dead by the end of the 45 minute block.  And of course am scheduled to go back next week.  They keep telling me the diet and the boot camp will get easier, but I'm starting to thik someone was sh***ing me.

WORK IT!

Learn something new this week:  What doesn't kill you could very possibly make you stronger...later.

Does it Ever Get Easier?

Week 3

I weighed in again on Thurs 6/30.  I lost another 1.4 pounds, which has put my total at 2.6 pounds for the last two weeks.  I love how my Weight Watcher site log gives me little praises and tells me good job.  Makes me not so depressed.  Don't get me wrong I love that my friends are there to encourage me too, but they are all losing more than I am, which makes me feel like I'm failing and wanting to shove a piece of chocolate cake in their mouth.

The weekends are the hardest.  When I'm at work I can control myself and portion what I eat.  At home...it's a free-for-all and a downright battle not to go through a drive thru or order a big cheesy pizza!  In three days I cheated 4 times and ate foods that were waaaay to high on my point list.  I made up for some of them in exercise and got some of my points back, but I feel so guilty about the rest!  I feel like I've fallen off the bandwagon or like I've set myself up to fail at this week's weigh in.

I'm back at work now and am focusing on getting myself back on track.  I want to get myself back in order before Thursday.  I know everyone is saying that losing a pound is great, but it's on the greater end of the sucking scale for me.  I want to be like those around me and lose more than a stinking pound.  Of course then I have weekends like this last one and realize why I haven't lost anything.  Ugh.

Does it ever get easier?  Will I always go ballistic on the weekends and feel the urge to splurge?  Will I always want these foods that I know will cost me too many points?  Will I ever get off my lazy butt and go exercise like I'm supposed to?  Sometimes I feel like I have great effort and then other times I feel like I've gotten no where.

Learn something new this week: Sonic's diet cherry limeades are 0 points so drink up!