Can You Call it a Victory if You Cheated?

This is week 10 and I weighed in on 8/25.  I lost 3.4 pounds this week!  lol Go me!  That puts my total weight lost at 7.4 pounds.  In my personal booklet they wrote that after 7 pounds I would reach my 5% goal, so I was really excited and wanted to make sure I got my prize sticker for it.  When I asked the lady to put my name on the list, she informed me that my 5% weight loss goal is 8 pounds, not 7, since they are supposed to round up.  So, no sticker this time.  Needless to say my balloon was officially deflated.

As for the cheating part, I had had some kind of stomach flu/virus since the previous Sunday.  I was nauseous every time I ate and had zero appetite (which is so not me!).  I was eating only one meal a day and then would feel sick for several hours after that.  So it kind of feel like cheating when I practically starved myself and lost almost 4 pounds.  My body is going to go into shock this week when I start feeling better and eating more!

As a bonus this week, my clothes are starting to feel looser, although that could just be my mind playing tricks on me.  I like having looser pants and shirts, but shrinking boobs are no fun.  I don't know how anyone can still be 38 around and have a smaller cup size!  It's frustrating let me tell you...

I'm starting to feel more like myself today and actually ate a giant baked potato, although now the smell of stale BBQ sauce is making me want to barf.  I have some Reese's mini cups in the fridge I have been dying to eat, so I'm keeping my fingers crossed.

Learn Something New This Week: I've been on WW and have been dieting my butt off for 10 weeks now and the only proven method to get the weight off is to have the stomach flu!

Week 9 - Fail

I weighed in today on 8/18 and I gained another 0.8 pounds.  To say I am depressed would be an understatement.  That is 2 weeks in a row that I have gained weight and lost nothing.  I'm steadily climbing back to start weight, which makes me feel even more depressed.  Even as I typed my new weight into my WW weight tracker I started crying just seeing that little bar raise up a little further.  It's supposed to go down! Not up!

I feel so stupid because after last week's weight gain I vowed to get back on track and excercise more.  I stayed on my points, ate better and varied my exercise.  By Wednesday I was confident  that I had either lost something or at least maintained where I was.  When I stepped on that scale, it was all over.

I've gotten several compliments about how 'toned' I look and people complimenting me on how much weight I've lost.  It puts a sinking feeling in my gut to tell them I've only lost 4 pounds.  4 stinking pounds!  I can't even reach my 5% goal weight!  I get that feeling like everyone is just trying to be nice and tell me how great I look when everyone really knows all I'm doing is failing.  Why does it feel impossible to lose 20 pounds? 

Before I started this I had lots of people "suggest" to lose the weight, whether for my health or for my looks.  They gave me looks when I ate a double cheeseburger or when I bought a larger size pants size.  My own damn doctor told me I was obese and that  needed to lose the pounds....every time I went to see her.  So I joined the diet thing and I work out 3 times a week.  And I still failed.  I've been busting my ass and the only thing she will see and the only thing my friends and family will see are numbers.  My numbers aren't budging, so I must still be fat.  If they looked at me as a whole instead of a number on a scale, I wouldn't be in this situation.

No one cares about being "toned".  No one cares about dress sizes or waistlines.  It's all about what the scale says.

I will finish the program. I will at least cross the finish line, even if it's in last place.

Learn something new this week:  Sometimes no matter how hard you work and no matter how great you feel about it, you don't always get the reward you were hoping for.

Week 8

Ugh my weeks are starting to run together...

On 8/11 I weighed in and found that I gained 0.8 pounds back.  I really did it to myself.  Boot camp was canceled twice last week and I didn't go exercise in it's place.  I didn't watch my points better and I ate a double marshmallow sundae on the night before weigh in.  Ok that last one was pretty obvious why I gained but damn it that sundae was one of the best sundaes I've had in a long time!  lol

So I'm back to the see-saw feeling.  I love WW and the help it's given me to try and lose the weight I need to lose.  It's made me rethink the things I eat everyday and try and stop the 24hr eating habit I seemed to develop in my adulthood.  But on the other hand, I'm so tired of bouncing back and forth with these same five pounds I've lost so far.  I guess this is my plateau, and it's VERY frustrating.

I exercise 3 times a week (most of the time) and for the most part have been sticking to my point levels and eating out a LOT less.  What else can I do to "shake up" my metabolism?  As I type this my legs are severely burning from the millions squats and lunges we did in boot camp on Friday.  I can't imagine trying to do something on top of that...

I'm almost at the half way point in this program and I feel like I really haven't gotten anywhere.  I haven't lost that much weight; I haven't gained any muscle; I definitely haven't gained any energy or self confidence.  It's starting to feel like a waste of time and money...and I don't know how to shake myself from it.

I want to be a big loser...not a big FAT loser...

Learn something new this week: To work for WW, it is required that your weight is within 10 pounds of your healthy BMI.  So in about 30 more pounds I might be eligible to work for them on a PT basis.  Whoopee.

Week 7

What a week.

I am so behind on all of my blogging, so forgive me for the late news.  I weighed in on 08/04 and lost another whole pound.  After last weeks one pound gain, I'm pretty even now and am back to 5.6 pounds lost.  I'm excited, but a little burned out too.

I admit even I am getting kind of tired of counting points and measuring foods and tracking everything I do.  It's frustrating.  Part of me asks what's the point anymore.  I can go on about my life no sweat and just enjoy the things I used to.  But then my other half comes back and tells me it's not over yet.  Why would I stop in the middle of the program?  After all, I'm no quitter.

Boot camp was cancelled twice this week, so I'm pretty worried about gaining weight this week.  I didn't exercise at all this weekend and I know I'm too tired to do it when I get off work.  Not to mention it's up to 108 here in Texas, so the motivation to go run through the park is really not there.

I know I have to do something to get back on track or else I will find myself falling to the wayside and just giving up.  Ugh

Learn something new this week: WW has mini fudge-sicle bars that are fabulous, and only 1 point.  Thank God for low point ice cream treats in this heat!

Two Steps Forward, One Step Back

Week 6

I weighed in on 7/25 and found that I had gained back one pound of my 2 pound loss from last week.  And yet, part of me wasn't even discouraged.  Part of me was upset because the numbers are supposed to go down and not up.  But the other half of me just took it in and said "Ok, do better next week".  Mostly because I knew I had blown last week by eating out several times and not even factoring in all of the snacking I was doing.  I was starting to fall off the bandwagon, and it showed on the scales.

But this week I have vowed to get back on track (as I always do).  Part of me is still disappointed because many of my friends who started this with me have begun to drop like flies.  I realize not all diets work for all people, but it makes me feel like I've failed top motivate them to stay with it.  Then on top of that it makes me feel guilty because I am still losing while they mostly quit in the first place because it wasn't working for them.  I feel like every pound I celebrate gone is a slap in their face.  Why am I the odd man out because this program is working for me?

The few that have decided to stick it out with me are about 50/50 in their progress.  I saw some get their stars for losing X amount of weight while other have gained a little over time.  As corny as it sounds I want to hug those that have gained and say something meaningful like "It'll get better" or "You can do it next week!", but then again I don't want to come across as fake.  I know it hurts to gain and to watch those around you lose it all so fast.  I felt that way in the beginning and was very discouraged with myself.  But then the pounds started coming off and I knew I was doing something right.  PLEASE DON'T GIVE UP ON ME YET!  And don't hate me if I lose anything this week...

Learn something new this week: I found the Skinny Cow candy in my Wal-Mart candy aisle!  At 3 and 4 points a piece, I still say they're worth the splurge.