Week 9 - Fail

I weighed in today on 8/18 and I gained another 0.8 pounds.  To say I am depressed would be an understatement.  That is 2 weeks in a row that I have gained weight and lost nothing.  I'm steadily climbing back to start weight, which makes me feel even more depressed.  Even as I typed my new weight into my WW weight tracker I started crying just seeing that little bar raise up a little further.  It's supposed to go down! Not up!

I feel so stupid because after last week's weight gain I vowed to get back on track and excercise more.  I stayed on my points, ate better and varied my exercise.  By Wednesday I was confident  that I had either lost something or at least maintained where I was.  When I stepped on that scale, it was all over.

I've gotten several compliments about how 'toned' I look and people complimenting me on how much weight I've lost.  It puts a sinking feeling in my gut to tell them I've only lost 4 pounds.  4 stinking pounds!  I can't even reach my 5% goal weight!  I get that feeling like everyone is just trying to be nice and tell me how great I look when everyone really knows all I'm doing is failing.  Why does it feel impossible to lose 20 pounds? 

Before I started this I had lots of people "suggest" to lose the weight, whether for my health or for my looks.  They gave me looks when I ate a double cheeseburger or when I bought a larger size pants size.  My own damn doctor told me I was obese and that  needed to lose the pounds....every time I went to see her.  So I joined the diet thing and I work out 3 times a week.  And I still failed.  I've been busting my ass and the only thing she will see and the only thing my friends and family will see are numbers.  My numbers aren't budging, so I must still be fat.  If they looked at me as a whole instead of a number on a scale, I wouldn't be in this situation.

No one cares about being "toned".  No one cares about dress sizes or waistlines.  It's all about what the scale says.

I will finish the program. I will at least cross the finish line, even if it's in last place.

Learn something new this week:  Sometimes no matter how hard you work and no matter how great you feel about it, you don't always get the reward you were hoping for.