Week 21 - But Who's Counting?

I know it's been a while since I've wrote anything.  I'm not real sure if anyone cares a whole lot, but I know I have to keep some kind of sanity and pretend this all still matters to me.

This is about week 21 of me starting Weight Watchers.  When I weighed in last on 10/27, I weighed in at 143 lbs, which means I've lost over 13 lbs so far.  That's pretty good since I over came partying on my birthday, the state fair coming through, going out of town for a vacation weekend, and then my husband's birthday.  EVERY one of those event was packed with food!  Whew!  So I made it through without packing on a whole lot of pounds.

In my prideful defense I'm actually kind of proud of myself.  I've noticed I've changed what I eat and I don't stuff my face until I drop anymore.  I still need to exercise more...but that's another thing to work on.

Only 3 more pounds and I reach my 10% weight loss goal.  When I do they'll give me a little keychain!

Learn something new every day:  The Weight Watcher yogurt is awesome!  It has great flavors and is smoooothe.  I normally hate yogurt but this is something I could get used to!

Falling Off The Bandwagon...

Wow...I can't believe it's been 3 weeks since I reported in.  Thinga get crazy I guess.

The week of 9/15 I weighed in at 146.4, meaning I lost 0.6 pounds from the previous week.  I was very excited to lose the half of a pouns I had gained the week before and felt like I was on my way to getting back on track.  The week of 9/22 I weighed in at 145.0, which means I finally lost my first 10 pounds!  Ok I was actually up to 11 pounds by now but I was so excited!  I got my second 5 pound star to add to my record and realized I was only 5 more pounds away from making my 10% goal.

But....then it went downhill.

On 9/29 I weighed in at 148.4, meaning I had gained back 3.4 pounds.  Wow.  That's the most I've gained back in the whole program.  It's all my fault really.  The fair came to town and Monopoly is back at McDonalds.  Not to mention the day before weigh in was Enchilada iesta special at Casa Ole.  Ugh.

So, there is only one week left before this session is over.  The last week is there 'open house' where you can bring a friend to check out the meetings and decide if you want to sign back up for the next round.  All and all I'd say I'm pretty happy with how this series has gone.  My weight has gone up and down, and I've still got a aways to go.  Of course I'm still on the fence about doing the next round.  Same old reasons I guess....money, stress, time, work. 

So this week I'm going to take some time and think about what I want.  I can't only think about what I want, but what will work for my family and my life.  I feel selfish wanting to do this again; wanting to keep going.  My birthday is coming up and the one thing I thought about was how great new clothes would feel.  But I have to get over myself and think of other; think of those around me.

It's a new beginning, but how do I start?

Learn something new this week (or weeks):  Don't get cocky about your image, because it can be skewed.  Also, I'm starting to see the ugliness that self confidence can make you feel...

Week 13 - Counting Down

Only 3 weeks left until this session is over.  No decision about doing the next one yet...

On 9/8 I weighed in at 147.2, which means I gained 0.5 pounds back this week :-(  Ok part of it could have been the turkey sandwich I had before going to my meeting, but I had a feeling I would gain something this week because I strayed off track and did not exercise as much.  I guess it could have been worse...but it could have been better...

Seven more pounds and I reach my 10% weight loss goal, which means I'll have lost 10% of my start weight, which is 16 pounds.  They give you a keychain when you reach this goal :-)  I'm not so sure I can do that in 3 more weeks, which means I may have to start the next session.

Keep moving forward.

With that I am still torn about doing the next session after this one.  It's something that will definitely be something plaguing my mind for the next few weeks.  And yes, you'll probably keep hearing about it until I can finally make up my mind.

Learn something new this week:  I am an epic failure at yoga.  I'm not graceful.  I'm not poised.  I'm not even balanced.  I may still give it another go later, but I need to buy a real beginner's DVD, not a "beginner's DVD who already know what's going on".

What week am I again?

Wow my weeks are really screwed up somewhere... My last weigh in on 9/1 was week 12, which means I only have 4 weeks left in this round...

As I said on 9/1 I weight in at 146.8 pounds, meaning I lost another 2 pounds and reached my second milestone, which is to lose 5% of your starting weight.  I've lost a total of 9.4 pounds so far, and if I lose 7 more pounds I'll reach my next milestone which is 10% of my starting weight.  I don't know if I can do that in 4 more weeks but I'm sure gonna try.  I'm very happy with myself at the moment and hope I can continue feeling this way while trying to lose the weight.  I'm pretty sure I'm going to hit another plateau soon which will probably bum me out...

My next debate to think about is whether or not I want to sign back up after this round ends.  I'm down 10 pounds, but I want to lose 10 more, and although I've learned the tools to eat better and exercise, I'm not so sure I can do it on my own.  I don't know if I'll be one of those people who, if left alone, would run amok and ruin all of the progress I just made.  I know that going to the meetings and having a steady place to weigh myself has really helped me stay on track and stay focused.  Can I do that on my own?  I know it will cost money and I'll have to become one of 'those' people who have a meeting every week.  I feel worse knowing certain people don't want me dieting at all and worry that it will just cause more fights between us.  Or that every person I joined with before has quit, making me feel more alone at meetings.

So I'm not really sure what I want at this point...and I'm not sure how to go about deciding on it.

Learn something new this week:  Actually I haven't learned how I could stop going to my boot camp class and lose more weight than when I was going.  No, it's not because I was gaining muscle either!  But I am sleeping better now that I am not going, so I guess there is a plus side.

Can You Call it a Victory if You Cheated?

This is week 10 and I weighed in on 8/25.  I lost 3.4 pounds this week!  lol Go me!  That puts my total weight lost at 7.4 pounds.  In my personal booklet they wrote that after 7 pounds I would reach my 5% goal, so I was really excited and wanted to make sure I got my prize sticker for it.  When I asked the lady to put my name on the list, she informed me that my 5% weight loss goal is 8 pounds, not 7, since they are supposed to round up.  So, no sticker this time.  Needless to say my balloon was officially deflated.

As for the cheating part, I had had some kind of stomach flu/virus since the previous Sunday.  I was nauseous every time I ate and had zero appetite (which is so not me!).  I was eating only one meal a day and then would feel sick for several hours after that.  So it kind of feel like cheating when I practically starved myself and lost almost 4 pounds.  My body is going to go into shock this week when I start feeling better and eating more!

As a bonus this week, my clothes are starting to feel looser, although that could just be my mind playing tricks on me.  I like having looser pants and shirts, but shrinking boobs are no fun.  I don't know how anyone can still be 38 around and have a smaller cup size!  It's frustrating let me tell you...

I'm starting to feel more like myself today and actually ate a giant baked potato, although now the smell of stale BBQ sauce is making me want to barf.  I have some Reese's mini cups in the fridge I have been dying to eat, so I'm keeping my fingers crossed.

Learn Something New This Week: I've been on WW and have been dieting my butt off for 10 weeks now and the only proven method to get the weight off is to have the stomach flu!

Week 9 - Fail

I weighed in today on 8/18 and I gained another 0.8 pounds.  To say I am depressed would be an understatement.  That is 2 weeks in a row that I have gained weight and lost nothing.  I'm steadily climbing back to start weight, which makes me feel even more depressed.  Even as I typed my new weight into my WW weight tracker I started crying just seeing that little bar raise up a little further.  It's supposed to go down! Not up!

I feel so stupid because after last week's weight gain I vowed to get back on track and excercise more.  I stayed on my points, ate better and varied my exercise.  By Wednesday I was confident  that I had either lost something or at least maintained where I was.  When I stepped on that scale, it was all over.

I've gotten several compliments about how 'toned' I look and people complimenting me on how much weight I've lost.  It puts a sinking feeling in my gut to tell them I've only lost 4 pounds.  4 stinking pounds!  I can't even reach my 5% goal weight!  I get that feeling like everyone is just trying to be nice and tell me how great I look when everyone really knows all I'm doing is failing.  Why does it feel impossible to lose 20 pounds? 

Before I started this I had lots of people "suggest" to lose the weight, whether for my health or for my looks.  They gave me looks when I ate a double cheeseburger or when I bought a larger size pants size.  My own damn doctor told me I was obese and that  needed to lose the pounds....every time I went to see her.  So I joined the diet thing and I work out 3 times a week.  And I still failed.  I've been busting my ass and the only thing she will see and the only thing my friends and family will see are numbers.  My numbers aren't budging, so I must still be fat.  If they looked at me as a whole instead of a number on a scale, I wouldn't be in this situation.

No one cares about being "toned".  No one cares about dress sizes or waistlines.  It's all about what the scale says.

I will finish the program. I will at least cross the finish line, even if it's in last place.

Learn something new this week:  Sometimes no matter how hard you work and no matter how great you feel about it, you don't always get the reward you were hoping for.

Week 8

Ugh my weeks are starting to run together...

On 8/11 I weighed in and found that I gained 0.8 pounds back.  I really did it to myself.  Boot camp was canceled twice last week and I didn't go exercise in it's place.  I didn't watch my points better and I ate a double marshmallow sundae on the night before weigh in.  Ok that last one was pretty obvious why I gained but damn it that sundae was one of the best sundaes I've had in a long time!  lol

So I'm back to the see-saw feeling.  I love WW and the help it's given me to try and lose the weight I need to lose.  It's made me rethink the things I eat everyday and try and stop the 24hr eating habit I seemed to develop in my adulthood.  But on the other hand, I'm so tired of bouncing back and forth with these same five pounds I've lost so far.  I guess this is my plateau, and it's VERY frustrating.

I exercise 3 times a week (most of the time) and for the most part have been sticking to my point levels and eating out a LOT less.  What else can I do to "shake up" my metabolism?  As I type this my legs are severely burning from the millions squats and lunges we did in boot camp on Friday.  I can't imagine trying to do something on top of that...

I'm almost at the half way point in this program and I feel like I really haven't gotten anywhere.  I haven't lost that much weight; I haven't gained any muscle; I definitely haven't gained any energy or self confidence.  It's starting to feel like a waste of time and money...and I don't know how to shake myself from it.

I want to be a big loser...not a big FAT loser...

Learn something new this week: To work for WW, it is required that your weight is within 10 pounds of your healthy BMI.  So in about 30 more pounds I might be eligible to work for them on a PT basis.  Whoopee.

Week 7

What a week.

I am so behind on all of my blogging, so forgive me for the late news.  I weighed in on 08/04 and lost another whole pound.  After last weeks one pound gain, I'm pretty even now and am back to 5.6 pounds lost.  I'm excited, but a little burned out too.

I admit even I am getting kind of tired of counting points and measuring foods and tracking everything I do.  It's frustrating.  Part of me asks what's the point anymore.  I can go on about my life no sweat and just enjoy the things I used to.  But then my other half comes back and tells me it's not over yet.  Why would I stop in the middle of the program?  After all, I'm no quitter.

Boot camp was cancelled twice this week, so I'm pretty worried about gaining weight this week.  I didn't exercise at all this weekend and I know I'm too tired to do it when I get off work.  Not to mention it's up to 108 here in Texas, so the motivation to go run through the park is really not there.

I know I have to do something to get back on track or else I will find myself falling to the wayside and just giving up.  Ugh

Learn something new this week: WW has mini fudge-sicle bars that are fabulous, and only 1 point.  Thank God for low point ice cream treats in this heat!

Two Steps Forward, One Step Back

Week 6

I weighed in on 7/25 and found that I had gained back one pound of my 2 pound loss from last week.  And yet, part of me wasn't even discouraged.  Part of me was upset because the numbers are supposed to go down and not up.  But the other half of me just took it in and said "Ok, do better next week".  Mostly because I knew I had blown last week by eating out several times and not even factoring in all of the snacking I was doing.  I was starting to fall off the bandwagon, and it showed on the scales.

But this week I have vowed to get back on track (as I always do).  Part of me is still disappointed because many of my friends who started this with me have begun to drop like flies.  I realize not all diets work for all people, but it makes me feel like I've failed top motivate them to stay with it.  Then on top of that it makes me feel guilty because I am still losing while they mostly quit in the first place because it wasn't working for them.  I feel like every pound I celebrate gone is a slap in their face.  Why am I the odd man out because this program is working for me?

The few that have decided to stick it out with me are about 50/50 in their progress.  I saw some get their stars for losing X amount of weight while other have gained a little over time.  As corny as it sounds I want to hug those that have gained and say something meaningful like "It'll get better" or "You can do it next week!", but then again I don't want to come across as fake.  I know it hurts to gain and to watch those around you lose it all so fast.  I felt that way in the beginning and was very discouraged with myself.  But then the pounds started coming off and I knew I was doing something right.  PLEASE DON'T GIVE UP ON ME YET!  And don't hate me if I lose anything this week...

Learn something new this week: I found the Skinny Cow candy in my Wal-Mart candy aisle!  At 3 and 4 points a piece, I still say they're worth the splurge.

Victory at Last!

Week 5

In my week 5 meeting on 7/21 I lost 2.2 pounds!  With that weight combined with my last five weeks, I've lost 5.6 pounds so far!  And because of that I got my first 5lb lost sticker!  I'm not sure where to put it just yet, but I am so proud of myself, if I may say so.  My next goal is my 10% weight loss, which I am only 3 pounds away from.

But it was kind of bittersweet because not one of my WW buddies made it to the meeting to see me glow.  I posted it on Facebook and I got a lot of "Yays", "Congrats" and "Whoo hoos", but somehow it doesn't feel the same.  I started this whole thing with a group of friends and I promised myself I would do what I can to help them and support them through this because, let's face it, this crap is hard!  But slowly my friends are dropping like flies and going on to do other things.  Should I even continue myself?  What's the point if no one is there to celebrate with you?

Well, depressing as it sounds I'll continue on because I definetly want to see where this road will lead me.  As for signing up again in October...now I'm not so sure.

Learn something new this week:  I realized this WW session ends the week of my birthday...so I'm thinking I will either need some new clothes or a trip to a really big buffet!

Week 5 Continued

Yeah all that crap I said before?  Down the toilet...

My weekend went horribly.  We had family come into town and another family member had a baby shower and my husband had to order that hot cheesy pepperoni pizza on Saturday night!  Ugh!

There is something about the weekends that just make me go berserk.  I know the points still count.  I know I am supposed to be accountable for what I eat.  I know I could gain it all back in a second!  So why do I lose my control so much?  And I know whatever horrible food crime I commit that I'll have to tell my coworkers about it....you think that would be enough motivation in itself!

I really need to refocus myself.  Do I really want this?  Or do I only want it Monday through Friday?  I keep telling myself I'm gonna 'treat' myself to a chinese food plate once I do really good and follow the plan all week.  I've yet to eat that chinese food...

Weight in is Thursday.  I'm gonna have to work my butt off to get back on track this week.... :-(

 

Learn something new this week: I have no will power.  Why even bother going anywhere near temptation?

Thank God For Small Victories

Week 5

I lost 1.4 pounds this week when I weighed in on 7/14.  I was super excited.  It's a small step back on track from last week's gain and it made me feel kind of proud of myself.  Is that crazy?  Even though I had a bad week food wise and felt like it was all going to hell...but I exercised and put myself back on track.  I wanted to cry.  I wanted to eat.

I'm going to continue the boot camp class.  I'm going to get my points back on track this week.  I am going to lose some kind of weight next week.

I can do this!  Can't I?

Learn something new this week: Depriving yourself of what you really want will totally derail everything.

Week 4 continued

Today was my second boot camp class.  The class was a lot smaller of course.  I'm not real sure how the class will look at the end of 12 weeks, much less on Friday...

Tomorrow is weigh in.  After last week's downfall you would think I would have done better this week.  Nope.  The weekends are horrible for me because I lose all portion control and just go for what I want.  Bah.  I can't keep doing that if I'm to finish this thing without gaining more weight!

It's sad to say that it makes me feel better to come to work and my coworkers and I who are in this together get to spill about all of the horrible things we ate that weekend and how we predict this week's weigh-in will go.  In a cruel irony it makes me feel human to know I'm not the only one slipping and knowing that I can get back on track even if I do stumble.  I'm trying to encourage those in this with me not to give up and not to just quit it all together.  I know it's hard but damn it we started this together and I want to finish this together!  Maybe I can bribe my coworkers with cake or something...

I don't want to quit.  I don't want to give up.  I want to beat this thing and come out on top! Sort of.  I have eyes watching me and telling me I can't do this.  That I can't diet and I won't make it through the fitness class.  I will prove you wrong and I will make something better of myself.

Learn something new this week: Quitting won't make my problems go away.  I have to face them and figure out how to get them out of my way.

Can I Pick Myself Back Up?

Week 4

I gained this week.  I weighed in at 154.2 pounds, which means I gained 0.6 pounds.  Words can't even express how depressed that made me feel.  Granted I was not the only one who gained instead of lost, but I still felt really bad.

I knew it was probably because I ate so much junk food the week before and stupidly thought I could walk it off or sweat it out in that fitness class I'm taking.  Of course I felt so depressed that I went out to dinner with a friend later and ate chinese food!  Arrrghh!  What am I thinking?  I need to focus.  I need to get a grip on what I want.

Then I went to the DR (who told me to lose the weight in the first place) and when I told her about the fitness class and WW program I joined, she rolled her eyes at me and told me how annoying WW is and how to fix my body cramps from class.  Real supportive there doc.  Is this what I pay you $20 for?

I want to lose the weight.  I want to be fit, or even remotely in shape.  I'd love to come out of this thing being one of the few people who stuck it out until the end of this brutal fitness class and at least 20 pounds lighter.  I want to shove it in my skeptic's face that I'm not a lazy bum who always stuffs my face.  After all the years of people nagging about what I eat and how I might look in the future, I want to show them all that I can do this.  And I'd love to show it off while downing a bag of Cheetos.  And not the baked kind either.

Learn something new this week: When everyone else is telling you No or Don't Do It, it's nice to have the one beside you that says Go For It and will still love you when you do.

Week 3 - Continued

Tomorrow is another weigh in.  Frankly, I'm worried about the results because my week has just gone to hell.  I've have fried italian food, movie theater popcorn, Taco Bell at least twice and a gi-normous piece of pepperoni pizza from the work cafeteria.  Ugh

I have been exercising more.  My husband and I have gone walking several times in the past week, even though it's only for about an hour each time.  I know I'm still very out of shape because my legs are always sore and I usually want to go home and eat something.  I need more lazy-friendly exercises.

And with that my sister had the bright idea of joining a free boot camp class our work was sponsoring.

"You can do it.  You go at your own pace."

"If the 60-year-old ladies in there can do it so can you."

"Just try it."

I could kill her now.  That class was crazy.  Luckily it was not taught by a freaked out drill instructor, but the guy was really nice and I didn't want to feel like the only loser in the group who couldn't do anything!  I nearly gave out after push-ups and thought I was going to faint after the bar lifts.  I am horribly out of shape and just getting me to get back up off the floor was a real challenge.  Needless to say, I was dead by the end of the 45 minute block.  And of course am scheduled to go back next week.  They keep telling me the diet and the boot camp will get easier, but I'm starting to thik someone was sh***ing me.

WORK IT!

Learn something new this week:  What doesn't kill you could very possibly make you stronger...later.

Does it Ever Get Easier?

Week 3

I weighed in again on Thurs 6/30.  I lost another 1.4 pounds, which has put my total at 2.6 pounds for the last two weeks.  I love how my Weight Watcher site log gives me little praises and tells me good job.  Makes me not so depressed.  Don't get me wrong I love that my friends are there to encourage me too, but they are all losing more than I am, which makes me feel like I'm failing and wanting to shove a piece of chocolate cake in their mouth.

The weekends are the hardest.  When I'm at work I can control myself and portion what I eat.  At home...it's a free-for-all and a downright battle not to go through a drive thru or order a big cheesy pizza!  In three days I cheated 4 times and ate foods that were waaaay to high on my point list.  I made up for some of them in exercise and got some of my points back, but I feel so guilty about the rest!  I feel like I've fallen off the bandwagon or like I've set myself up to fail at this week's weigh in.

I'm back at work now and am focusing on getting myself back on track.  I want to get myself back in order before Thursday.  I know everyone is saying that losing a pound is great, but it's on the greater end of the sucking scale for me.  I want to be like those around me and lose more than a stinking pound.  Of course then I have weekends like this last one and realize why I haven't lost anything.  Ugh.

Does it ever get easier?  Will I always go ballistic on the weekends and feel the urge to splurge?  Will I always want these foods that I know will cost me too many points?  Will I ever get off my lazy butt and go exercise like I'm supposed to?  Sometimes I feel like I have great effort and then other times I feel like I've gotten no where.

Learn something new this week: Sonic's diet cherry limeades are 0 points so drink up!

Week 2 - Continued

It is day 6 of Week 2.  I weigh again in two days.  So what did I decide to do today?  Have another breakdown!

 

(Thank you to MadMikesAmerica for letting me borrow this one)

I too have concluded that McDonald's is evil.  Mainly for their delicious McNugget and fries combo.

I woke up in the middle of the day and had 6 hours before I had to be at work (I work overnights and usually sleep all day) and only had 9 points left until my clock resets at midnight.  Normally this wouldn't be a problem and I would fandangle something out until later.  But I got the wild hair that I REALLY WANT SOME MCNUGGETS!  Why is this entering my mind now?

I kept telling myself to ignore it and go eat the soup in the kitchen.  NO!  SHUT UP BRAIN!  I argued with myself (and my husband sadly enough) about it for over an hour.  What about my weekly points?  What about my activity points?  What if I just quit the whole thing and go binge at Chilis or something.  Ugh.

In the end I gave in to my weakness and went and enjoyed 10 wonderful McNuggets and some fries (I didn't large size so that is progress!).  I was torn about how to feel after the deed was done. I logged all the points and sighed to myself.  Part of me was in despair for giving in.  Part of me was upbeat and told myself to just move forward from here.  Part of me was not really giving a damn and told me to get over it.  I'm not sure who won.  Then I got that horrible feeling of thinking I couldn't tell anyone, like I had committed some crime or devious act.  Would they look down on me?  Would I look like a failure to this group of weight loss buddies?

Then my angry and defiant side kicked in and said SCREW THEM if they judge me.  Just because I ate unhealthy doesn't mean I've thrown off the whole program!  I'm not a bad person!  I can still do this!  I had all these things planned to say in order to defend myself, although I'm realizing now I didn't even need to.

So now that I've gotten over myself I've planned my last day of this week to get back on track for my weigh in tomorrow.  I definitely need to work off a few nuggets and hope the fries don't hang around until Wednesday.

Learn something new this week: Hardships are inevitable.  Defeat is not.

Week 2 - Over the First Bump

June 23, 2011
I weighed in at 155.0 this week.  I lost 1.2 pounds.  Honestly, I'm a little disappointed.  I feel like 1.2 pounds was nothing....like it was water weight or something.  Like I went to the bathroom and lost a whole pound.  Bleh.  I know everyone around me says it's a good start and to be happy about it, but I can't.  Maybe I'm selfish and wanted more from myself.

This week was my first real breakdown.  Friday night was my night off and my husband and I wanted to go out to eat as we normally do.  Like a good girl I looked online before we decided on where to go and looked up the restaurant's nutrional info to calculate point values.  Every menu I looked at was high in points, even after splitting the meal and taking some home for later.  Every food I loved and wanted seemed off limits.  "NO YOU CAN'T HAVE THAT!"  My WW buddies knew from Facebook that I was ready to give up and just go eat what ever I felt like.  Screw the plan and screw the points!  I was immediately depressed and sulked in my living room for a few hours.  My poor husband was probably starving, but he waited for me to come around and decide on what we were going to do.  I finally composed myself and told myself to get a grip.  I then went over everything we had in the house, planned a trip to Walmart and then made dinner.  My husband ended up cooked a great meal on the grill and we watched movies all night.  I felt so good about what I ate and even though I went a few points over, I knew it was the better choice for me.
I'm glad I had those somewhat cheering me on via Facebook and of course my husband was there to rattle back to my sanity.

That night I made cake from a recipe I found on the WW site.  Actually I made 2.  They were super awesome and only 5 points for two pieces.  Mmmm

Sunday I went to eat with my sister who has also joined us on this WW round.  Again we did the restaurant dance and debated as to which one had better choices.  We eventually decided on Subway, which is not as point savvy as you would think!  We ate a whole 11 points worth with a sandwich and chips.  Found out I do not like cucumbers on my sandwich.  Yuck!

So this week has definetly been tougher, but of course it's supposed to be!  I'm scared for next week, as my cravings for McNuggets start to take over.  I have to keep thinking about Thursday's weigh in....and not fall off the bandwagon just yet.

Learn something new this week - I am now becoming addicted to the sugar free Jello, mainly because it is 0 points!

Week 1 - Just the Beginning

Weight Watchers is a 17 week program.  I weigh in every Thursday.  So here I go...

June 16, 2011
Today was my first meeting.  I weighed in at 156.2 pounds.  The lady talked of the new program and handed out little brochures and information sheets.  The members shared stories and advice and I even installed the Weight Watcher apps on my phone and iPod.  I was super pumped about this.  I was ready for it.  Except for the fact that I was going to the beach this weekend, and vowed I would start on Monday.

Monday came and straight out the gates I blew my daily points.  I went tolunch with a friend and my old dining out habits kicked in: I ate what I wanted and so what.  I paid for it later when I realized my whole lunch had added up to over 20 points...jeez.  I vowed to get back on track before the next weigh in.  I didn't want to be the person who actually GAINS before their meeting. Bah!

The next three days I spent most of my time in the grocery store buying things like fruits and vegetables and low point dinners.  I bought new measuring cups and even some Weight Watcher chocolates.  I wanted to do this right.  I wanted to feel good about all of this. 

Learned something new this week - Eating healthy is expensive!

New Beginnings...

Some of you may read my other blog.  Some of you probably don't.  But if you know me then you know I have started my struggle with losing weight.  I've recently started the Weight Watcher program with a great bunch of people that I work with.  I guess it's nice having someone around that can watch you and make sure you're sticking to your points!

At times I feel like a hypocrite because I have always said I didn't believe I was fat and didn't need to lose weight to make others happy.  Yet, here I am, enrolled in one of America's top weight loss plans.  I tell myself (and others) that I'm doing this for my health (my high BMI and my super high cholesterol) and to just feel better about me.  But is this true?  Have I just become one of those people that is obsessed with losing weight?  Have I become that woman that orders a dinky salad when she goes out or giggles and says she can't have that cake at the office because "I'm on a diet"?  Agghh!

Whatever the reasons behind this I am starting something new here.  This is the first time in my life I've had to care about my weight and what I've been eating.  As a self proclaimed foodie, I've always loved food.  I eat at all hours of the day and love to go out to eat with my husband and my family or friends.  I'm a huge fan of anything with cheese, deep fried or full of carbs.  No foods are off limits with this program, but it does make you choose, and I've always been horrible at decisions.

I'm not going to lie.  I'm scared.  I'm nervous.  I'm doubting myself.

Some people aren't meant to be skinny.  Am I?